2016 has been a tumulous year of for many of us. Personally, I’ve had relatives pass away far too soon, I’ve watched friends go through similar losses, I’ve had relationships dissolve, revisited old traumas, had my heart cracked wide open this year. I’ve felt deep joy just to have it snatched away. Felt the bitter sting of regret. I’ve watch the world plunge into uncertainty, events that have made me question my place in this world time and time again. A guilt quietly crept into me. Guilt for simply being part of humanity and inadvertently adding to the consumerism, chaos, destruction, oppression- all the negative aspects of being a human alive on this planet today.
This year has humbled me. Made me realize that no matter how well I live my life, how hard I chase my dreams, there is a certain element of divine timing, a higher power that must be yielded to. We try to make sense of things, but faced with certain events, the only thing in our power to do is surrender. It’s like the more that we strive for a place of control, the farther away it becomes. By denying our brokenness we only keep it from being exposed to the light. It’s this weird paradox because in the acceptance of our fucked up, broken, dysfunctional nature we find authenticity and wholeness.
On a personal and global scale, many people are looking back at this year with despair. Hopelessness. I’ve seen it strewn across social media, in my circle of friends. I find myself sharing the pessimistic viewpoints at times.
Perhaps this year has been a sort of dark night of the soul for the world. A time where collectively, old stories are resurfacing to be exposed to the light, egos emerging to be chipped away at. Perhaps through all of this heartache, we are all coming to a place of healing, rather than hiding away our hurts for another generation. Perhaps, rather than being a people crumpling, we are all bravely standing, holding up mirrors for each other, shining a light on those tender areas that need to be healed. A spiritual detox precipitating an awakening.
I don’t have the answers. I’ve learned that life doesn’t come with a guidebook. We are all here as guides for each other, making sense of this life and hopefully shedding a little light on the path as we go.
For now, I will do what I know how to do to heal. I will write. I will work to make my little corner of this earth as peaceful as I can. I will seek out the beauty and perfection in even the most chaotic of situations. I will allow my feelings of sadness, anger and frustration and bless them rather than bury them. I will seek to love myself to the best of my ability and live my passion and purpose so that I can help others do the same.
What if life is not meant to be this joyous place that we travel through as perfectly centered, enlightened beings? Maybe the hurt, the dysfunction, the brokenness is part of the soul’s experience, and in the acceptance of all that is not beautiful about the world we are better able to accept those parts of ourselves. In moving through less than perfect, even horrendous situations, we learn that oftentimes we emerge on the other side and turn out to be just fine. And if we don’t, sometimes it’s enough to just be.